My daughter leaves this week to university.  She is going to be 6 hours away by car and I am going to miss her so much.  I just hope that I have taught her enough and given her enough skills so she can survive. 

It is a funny feeling to let a child leave the nest.  So much time is invested in this amazing person  My life has been so much part of hers for 18 years  and now within 1 day she will be more independent and not in my life each day.  Part of me is celebrating her Independence and part of me wants to go back to when she was 2 and I was the centre of her world.  Life is like that though.  Life moves on whether I want to too or even if I am ready too.  It sometimes seems to to go so fast and other times slower that I think it can be possible. 

What do I want her to do?

• Eat well
• Wash your clothes
• Clean up after yourself so you don't get swamped down.
• Love
• Laugh
• Have fun
• Look after yourself first so you can give to others
• Be nice
• Serve others
• Work hard
• Go to church

If I could tell her anything I would say

• Be kind and thoughtful
• Be patient
• Have good integrity
• Remember you are a child of God
• Remember God is always there for you and he loves you
• Be proud of your name and wear it well
• Always stand up for what you believe in
• Be careful and give trust away when it has been earned
• Enjoy being you

In reality I will probably just tell her that I love her and hope all those lessons I have taught her in the last 18 years will already be cemented in her heart.  I need to trust that she already knows these things and will do herself proud.  Boy this is such a hard thing to do but I know I will survive.  I have done it once already and I made it to the next day in one piece.

Managing a home with a positive spirit

Do you have days where it feels everything is just collapsing around you?  Days where everything coming at you is negative, draining and filled with frustration. The moans, complaints,  constant listening,  and always having to be on board at your best.  If you do you are not alone. 

This picture seems like me sometimes at home trying to stay on top of things and not to get dragged down by others.

One thing I have learnt though is that........



Having a positive outlook even when things seem to beat down on you is imperative.  How can we as mum/women remain positive and have good emotional health amongst all this battering and to be able to follow your dreams.



Taking a sleep always feels like a good option :)  but unfortunately the problem is still there when you wake up.  sigh......

I have found some things that work well

• Take time out daily.  Even if it is only listening to a piece of music you love or reading a chapter of a book.  I have had to become very creative to get my reading time (as I am a book worm)  I have book on the toilet that I read 2 pages of when I use the loo.  It takes me a while to get through a book but at least I can get a little bit of time to read.
• Remember that you are the manager of the house.  Would you let your staff treat you like dirt?   I certainly wouldn't.  It doesn't matter whether it is a child or an adult in your home protect yourself.  Be direct though IE I don't like it when you talk to me like that can you please stop.  If you chose not to I will have your phone..... I will walk out the room......I will put you in time out ..... We are not punching bags but human being that need respect
• If I get a complaint for any child about a job they have been given I give them another one.  They learn fast!
• If I feel negative I read some inspiring quotes or I read a motivational book. 
• Phone someone.  A problem shared is a problem halved.
• Get out of the house on your own once a week.  I know this can be had a certain times of life but I know it can be achieved.  One thing that worked for me when I had very young children was to swap babysitting with another mum.  This meant we both got out once a week. I found I had to schedule time so I became a priority
• Take time to seek to understand before you try to be understood.   (This is one of Steven Covey's principles.) Just by understanding people your attitude can shift.
• Plan successes in your life.....don't plan to fail. Make small goals and stick to them
• Learn what drains you.  My biggest drain in being disorganised.  The more organised I am the more positive I am.  Work out what is your biggest drain in your life and make a change.
• Serve others.  I can be much more positive when I help others.
• Learn to say no to unimportant things.  Just focus on what gives true happiness and true fulfilment



What do you do to stay positive?



Goals

How does one reach goals? especially challenging ones.  I find this a very hard question to answer especially when I don't know where to start.  I would really love to make a go of making a business from my art work but I don't know where to begin. 

I sat down to figure out what things were stopping me from trying to achieve this goal and finding out where to start.  The biggest reason was I could find was fear.  Fear of failure,  fear of not being able to do it,  fear of not having enough time to meet my goals, fear of inadequate skills and fear of rejection.

Fear is a really hard thing to overcome.  As a child the fear of a monster under the bed can be almost debilitating.  Fear is our bodies way of showing caution for a new experience.  But when fear takes over it can be very hard to let go of that fear and work though it.  I still have not worked through a fear of being locked in dark spaces or pinned down  after my brother locked me in a cupboard as a young child. I still irrationally cannot cope when someone sits on me and can't move or when I play hide and seek and the cupboard door I am in closes tight and I can't get out.  Starting a quilt business is a bit like this fear for me, quite irrational but understandable. 

In what ways can I overcome this fear?  I spent some time thinking about other fears I have had and how I have overcomed them.  I use to be scared of the dark and being home on my own and night but I seemed to have worked through these ones.  So I wrote a list of what I did to get rid of these fears.

• I didn't dwell on the fear
• I wrote down my fears
• I tried to experience the fear with someone else supporting me
• I made myself do the thing I feared so I gave myself an opportunity to try to overcome the fear
• I talked about it with a friend and my hubby
• I celebrated the successes. 
• I shared my success with my friend and hubby
• I kept challenging myself until I could regularly go into the dark on my own.
• I kept my imagination from running overtime.

Now that I have written this list I can see that I can use these same skills to work on my fear of failure.  This list helps me to know how to attack the fear and make a go of a business. 

I was surprised to see how well this list idea worked.  Now I wonder what other things I can help myself with.?

New years

I have spent the last couple of days reflecting on the past year and looking ahead to the new one.  2011 was a year of many challenges and ups and downs. I have finished the year exhausted form looking after and supporting people though many difficulties and I have survived another year with teenagers :)  (7 down and 12 to go...one disadvantage of having a large family)  I have spent a few days taking time out and just resting so I can get some energy back again and I am glad to say that I am starting to feel a little more like myself again. 



I love the ending and beginning of things.  I love to look back on what has been but I really enjoy the setting of new goals and having the excitement of new experiences. This year has been no exception.

I want to

• Get fit.  I really want to feel healthier and to have more energy I'm even thinking about running a half marathon.  But we will wait and see
• Progress more with my art work
• Have better relationships with my family
• Have a weekly date with my husband
• Extend my education through reading



I may not get everything done but it is really nice to plan and prepare for the year ahead.  What goals are you making?  How are you going to spend the next 366 days?

Back again

We had a few beautiful days away.  I spent quite a bit of time visiting gardens,  eating and sleeping.  How much more does one need :)

Having a break is so important, it gives me a new perspective on problems and a time to refresh my spirit.  I have been very blessed this year to have 2 nights away in January for my 20th wedding anniversary and a few nights again last week with my hubby.  This is the first time this has happened in a year. and it has been wonderful. 

We all deserve a break from weighty responsibilities and cares of the world.  Not in a selfish way but to recharge your batteries and to connect with the other half and yourself.  But it is easier said than done.  I have found a few ways to do this on a daily basis even with kids at home.

One of the hardest things for my is to truly stop.  My mind races ahead and I have so much on going on in my head I can't switch off.  I have had to practice very hard to think and feel in the present.  A couple of things help to do this.  First I find that concentrating on all the things your senses experience helps.  First look around you and see what you can see then what can you smell, what can you hear etc.  Take good note of all the things you can use your senses for in the present. Another way to help being present centered is to force yourself not to think of things that have happened or are going to happen.  I do this by forcing thoughts out of my mind that are before or after where I am.  I push those thoughts away and focus on what I am doing now.



http://www.nextsmallstep.com/2010/08/after-you-have-learnt-to-prioritize-and.html

I try and have a 20 minute power nap everyday.  This helps me to regather my energy and refocus in the afternoon rush.  Not everyone may need this but I do as I have kids up in the morning at 5am and other not in bed till 9pm.  So it is a really long day when I still have things to do once every one is in bed.

It is OK to turn off electronic devices.  We have all become very used to being contacted 24/7 we don't need to be.  It is OK to be non contactable some parts of the day.  Do whatever it takes.Turn off the phone,  take the land line off the hook,  don't check e-mails more than once a day,  Let it all go.

The other thing I have always tried to do is to have 1 hour on my own everyday.  It doesn't always happen but I try to do this at least 5 times a week.  When the kids were little I would do this when they were having afternoon rest time.  Right up to 5 (school age in NZ)  my wee ones had an hours rest everyday.  They could read or play quietly in their rooms.  This gave my brain a much need rest from the chattering and constant running around. 

I use this time in a variety of ways.  I might phone a friend, read, do art work,  have a snooze or sing.  Whatever works today.  Not only does it save my sanity but has also modelled to the children the importance of looking after my self.  I always use this time for myself.  This has never been time to do housework.  I figure housework will always be around but I won't be.  So my prioroty is to discover more about myself not more about cleaning :)

This pattern has blessed me to refocus my energy,  to feel more likely to give to others,  it has helped me to remember my needs and to help myself extend my talents.

Lifes musings

I lost a friend this week to cancer.  My 6th friend in 7 years.  She was only 53 a a dear woman. My husband also lost a friend of the family this week to cancer and I have just found out a lady I worked with at Paycentre has only days left to live.  I don't know if it is because I am getting older or cancer is more common but so many people I know seem to have been touched by this disease.

Life is so fragile it is here and then gone.  Like a leaf blowing in the breeze floating away.  My friend had lived 53 full and good years.  Full of love, service and work.  She was kind and generous to those she met and loved people before anything else. She was only diagnosed 5 weeks ago and she quietly slipped away with her husband by her side.  It was sudden and unexpected she was given a good chance of recovery.  It was like she was here and then just gone.

How often do we take life for granted?  How often do we take other's lives for granted? Do we value each moment enough?  I don't think we really fully appreciate a lot of what we have until we lose it.  I learnt many years ago to value our family members,  while we have them, after losing a auntie from multiple sclerosis.   I missed her so much.  I was so grateful that my parents took the time to visit her regularly and gave me the opportunity to get to know her.  It taught me so much about love, living now and valuing what we have when we have it.  It is hard to measure the value in that.  Many times I am tempted to protect my own children from death and pain but I have realized it is important for them to learn that death and pain are an important part of life.  My children have gone to many funerals and had many opportunities to help those in pain.  they have grown from it.  They have gained so much empathy and sympathy for others and have such a good understanding of feelings of others. 

Each day is precious and valuable,  it is a chance to love, learn and grow. 

Make a pledge today to treasure and value what you have. 

Inspiration Saturday

This wonderful story has really helped me see my life in a different way.  I hope you love it as much as me

One Grocery Store's Most Important Employee....Boy With Down Syndrome

• --by Barbara Glanz I always leave my telephone number and e-mail address with audiences, encouraging them to call me if they have questions or want to share a success story they experienced by adding a personal signature to their work. About a month after I had spoken to the supermarket folks I received a call from a front-line customer contact person, a nineteen-year-old baggerThe caller, who proudly informed me that he was a Down syndrome youngster, told me his story. "Barbara, I liked what you talked about!" Johnny said excitedly, "but I didn't think I could do anything special for our customers... After all, I'm just a bagger. He decided that every night when he came home from work, he would find a thought for the day. "If I can't find a saying I like," Johnny said proudly, "I think one up!" With the help of his dad, he copied and cut out each quote of the day. "When I finished bagging someone's groceries, I put my thought for the day in their bag and say, 'Thanks for shopping with us.'"

  A month later the store manager called me. He told me... "When I was making my rounds, I found the line at Johnny's checkout was three times longer than anyone else's! It went all the way down the frozen food isle. I was concerned, so I announced 'Get more cashiers out here; get more lanes open!' all the while trying to get these people to change lanes. But no one would move. They all said, "No, it's okay - we want to be in Johnny's lane - we want his 'Thought for the Day.'"

  Johnny's spirit of service transformed that store. The manager later called and told me how each of his departments was coming up with their own personal touch and all because of one young man with Down syndrome who decided he could make a difference!
  http://kleerstreem.posterous.com/one-grocery-stores-most-important-employeeboy

I have chosen to find at least one person at the supermarket each week and to tell them they look beautiful.  My children have started to copy me too.  I can make a difference in this one small way.

How can you make a difference today!!

Women

Last night I went to a Farming discussion group for women.  Dairy NZ run groups for farmers to help them in their businesses,  with networking and with support for their systems on their farms.  In this particular area they hold one of these groups specifically for women.  Last nights key note speaker was a specialist on time management. She was amazing and very inspiring.  I learnt a lot about using my time and using it efficiently but one the most important things I learnt was the importance of networking and supporting each other as women.



Each little thing we give and support each other in are big things.  We need each other to be whole.  I think every encounter we have with other women can be a blessing.  We can build up rather than tear down, we can love rather than hate and we can be unified rather than bicker about each other.  We can inspire each other to become better an do better things with our lives.

 

We are blessed now to be able to form relationships with other women across the world through technology.  I am inspired by a friend I met on the sketchbook challenge Dion.  She deals with some very challenging things in her life but still has to time to uplift others though her thoughtful comments and her art.  I have never met her in person but she lifts me up and inspires me.

I have friend that have come and gone in my life and ones that have been around a long time.  I have one friend I met on her first day of school.  We were five.  We have been through a lot of things together.  She knows the meaning of true friendship. 

Why is it with all the wonderful opportunities to help and support so many us spend so much time bickering and gossiping when that time could be spent helping and assisting.  We all have a responsibility to choose to be nice and to choose to support all those around us.

This can be darn difficult and some people are hard to get on with but I have this theory that We don't have to like every body but we can still love them.  I can spend time with everyone just some people I only have time with in 5 second doses and other 5 year doses. 

What ever others choose I can choose to be nice no matter what other women choose,  I lift up even if other pull down and I can love even when others hate.  What will you choose to do? 

Tiredness

Tiredness seems to come along with life whether your single, married,  have children or whatever your life may be.  It seems to be the older I get the more tired I get with more responsibility and staying in bed seems like such a good option.



Life seems to just go tot fast and with too many things on it is a lot harder to recover. One of my biggest drains is other peoples use of my time.  Not the things I choose to do, but those things I have to do or am expected to do.  This isn't a grumble, because some things just need to be done,  its more of a factual statement about life.  Nothing ever seems to be finished and even if I get a chance to rest often there is so much to be done I can't rest.  Sound familiar!!

I find it fascinating that men just sit down and fall asleep......anywhere.  There is a joke in my family that my dad could even fall asleep on the concrete if he wanted too.  The funny thing is it seems socially acceptable for a man to fall asleep on the couch at the in laws but not for women.  (not that I would fall asleep I need to be in bed for that)  Women need time to be supported to have rest,  where as men just rest when they need it. But women see the the pile of washing on the couch that needs folding men just see the remote control and the couch.  I think if men sometimes sat and watched T.V and folded at the same time and if women sat down and ignored the pile a better balance would be maintained.  I loved the following cartoon which gets it in a nutshell.



I think there are many reasons for being tired and many the are easily avoided.  (but not so easy to rise above)   So why do we get tired and how do we solve the problem



1. Doing too much at the same time.  Try slowing down and doing one thing at a time when you can.  Focussing on one thing at a time requires less energy and is less draining.
2. Not getting enough sleep.  Get into regular sleep patterns.  Go to bed at a reasonable hour and get up at a reasonable hour.  Every hour before midnight is an equivalent of 3 hours....use it !!!!
3. Doing too much.  Write a priority list.  Do things that are important to you don't do things that have no real meaning in your life (sorry doesn't include house work....someone has to do it :)
4. Take time out for yourself.  Even when my kids were small and had grown out of naps I would put them in their rooms with a favourite toy or book for 1 hour so all of us could have some quiet time.  Use the time for you, not doing housework.
5. Not getting enough exercise.  Just get up and exercise.  Make it interesting (well as interesting as possible !!)  and make it a part of the daily routine.
6. Eating badly.  Find out the good wholesome foods you like and have them on hand for snacking.  Be aware of the empty calorie foods that get eaten and replace them with high energy healthy alternatives.
7. Doing too much for other people.  Service is important.....actually it can give more energy, but doing things that are other peoples responsibilities all the time can be very draining.  If you children are over 6 years old they can make their own lunches,  if they are over 2 the can pull up sheets on the bed.  teach your other half and children to look after themselves.  They will thank you for it in college or if you ever get sick the house should keep ticking over nicely.
8. Being mentally drained. Laugh, it is the best medicine and if possible laugh with friends.
9. Not breathing properly.  Breathing right really helps to over come tiredness.  Go to the library to help with this one I'm not a breathing expert. (actually according to my teenagers I am not an expert on anything)

If nothing seems to work it might be a good idea to see a doctor to make sure nothing else is going on.

So what are you going to do today to help over come tiredness?......I'm going to go for a walk.....Love to hear what your going do.

Jonah days

I am a Anne of Green Gables fan. The books are magical and so beautifully written.  One of the sayings I have picked up from Anne is I'm have a Jonah day.  you know.....those days were nothing goes right.  Everything seems to go to custard just as Jonah's day went. 



I found a list of things that I had written a few years ago of what had happened in 2 weeks in my home.  On the list was a stomach bug that went through the whole family,  a cold that went though the whole family,  My littlest was recovering from plastic surgery and when he came out of the bandage for that he fractured his elbow,  My hubby had put a hoe into his ankle I had cut my finger on a rotary blade while quilting and my grandparent and my husband's grandparents were all in hospital and I was recovering from post natal depression.  It was a Jonah fortnight. 

Life is just like that we all have bad days,  weeks, months and sometimes even years.  Jonah caused a lot of his problems himself, other challenges were out of his control. Sometimes we cause our own problems and sometimes things just happen to us.  Whatever way it happens, none of us are immune to them, whether we like it or not.

We need to have challenge in our lives to help us grow, learn and to develop relationships.  Have you ever noticed that after a tough time you seem to grow more, you have more resources to get over a future problem and more knowledge to help others.  Challenge is vital in the world we live in. 

Getting over challenge can be very demanding though.  I find the hardest challenges to rise above are ones that other people cause me.  When I cause them myself I can make changes,  sort out issues and work though things faster and easier because they are my problems.  Other that are forced on me are much more challenging.  I don't have control over others choices and decisions and how they want to deal with them. For example If I say something to hurt someone I can apologize and make it up to that person but they have to choose whether to accept the apology and forgive you.  If that doesn't happen another set of problems may arise.

How can we work though challenge? The first thing I always do is work out what I am responsible for and how can I fix it? I have learnt it is better to sort things out quickly than leave it?  It just always get harder if it is left.  I don't think about doing it, I just think about what I will do to sort it out.   Face the problem head on.



Others peoples problems aren't as easy especially ones that leave you picking up the pieces.  Open communication helps sometimes but not always.  Sometimes we just have get on and do our best with what we have.  Deal with is in the best manner and the try and move on. I find sometimes in these situations I need a paradigm shift or in other words I need to look at things differently.

Looking at the experience from another point of view or from a different angle can change the experience quite dramatically.  For example challenges with a teenager can be easier if I think about the little child hiding in an adults body or remembering that with all beautiful rose thorns are present too.  Just a small change in my attitude can change an experience.  It will never remove it but it can make it easier to bear.

The other type of challenge we can face is just life's challenges.  For example sickness,  death,  losing a job.  No one is really to blame.  They are things that just happen in life.  Talking to someone,  taking time out,  recharging your batteries when you can and doing something you love, can all all help to get though these experiences.  I find being creative helps me the most. Try and find something that works for you.  We are all different and we all have different needs.  We need to work out what is right for ourselves. 

Remember

“Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging"

Joseph Campbell

Gratitude journal

Hi everyone.  What a lovely week it had been.  I am so grateful for my wonderful family who love and support me so much. 

My life is filled with so many wonderful blessings.  Do you know if you live in a 1st world country you are part of the 8% of the world who have hot running water.  I had to remind my self of that quite regularly when having a shower in a gravity feed water system :)   There are so many things in my life many of us take for granted.  How often do you see this......



So how do we change those lines and how do we lead a more thankful life?





Are we just saving it for the right moment?

I have found having a gratitude journal really helps finding the right moment in every moment of our lives.  I promised more information on gratitude journals.  So today I am going to show you how to make one!! 

1. First you need a journal or notebook.  What ever you can afford
2. For a plain book make it your own by decorating it.  Try using magazine clipping so positive words,  pictures,  drawings, or make a slip cover for it.
3. Read the rules.  You can print this out for your own use.

Gratitude journal

This book is to help you see life through new eyes.

  Everything in life can be a blessing depending on how we see it.

Rules

1.  Write in your book everyday

2.  Write at least 5 things you are grateful  for each day

3.   At least 2 things you are grateful for must be about yourself.

Promises

1.   You will feel more grateful for everything in your life

2.   You will feel happier

3.   You will enjoy life more

4.   You will appreciate people around you more

4.   Write in it everyday and soon all the promises will come to your life

Give it a go and see what miracles can happen

Believe in you

I went to the Time out for woman conference today (LDS womans inspirational conference) 

It was amazing. 

I came away believing more in my self than I had done for a long time.  I felt motivated to make a difference and to believe that I,  just one of me,  could influence many people in the part of the world I live in.  

The conference theme was..

Choose to Become....

Think of the possibilities of what I can choose to become....what you could choose to become.  We all have dreams and hopes in our hearts.  Many of them stay there unfufilled. I use the children, time restaints,  lack of skills, others opinions and fear as excuses.  But really there aren't any excuses.  We all have so much potential and skills within us.  I think they are so buried and so deep that they get missed sometimes. 

 Write down today what you dream about and what you want to become. 

I am choosing to become who I was born to be and who I am deep inside.